SYNCHRONIZED SEX?

   

Now contrary to what the screaming header says this post is nothing about synchronized sex...I was about to say there's nothing like that but then again I won't put anything past these "oyibo's". It is a catching header though aye? Now I was scouring the internet thinking what I could talk about since I've been on hiatus for far too long and I came upon this very helpful tip for married couples, so listen up:

If your sexual relationship is not living up to your needs, stop complaining and start asking for what you want. This means you first need to look within to identify your needs. When you communicate, be specific. 

• Do you really know what your partner wants? Find out. Maybe you and your partner are not as far apart as you think. Talk about things when you are both calm and rational.  Relationships are about negotiation and compromise — and it never stops. Carve out time. Negotiate a plan that works for both of you. Behave your way to success. If you agreed to a plan and it's no longer working for you, sit down together and negotiate a new plan. Partners rarely have the same level of sex drive at the same time. Negotiate for some middle ground that you can both be happy with.

• Don't base a relationship on sex. You need love, compassion and caring — and then sex can be a reflection of that. Don't think of it in either/or terms: You can cuddle when it's time for that, have an active sex life as well, and have tremendous love and respect for each other throughout. Different people have a different language of love. Look at your emotional needs because they affect your sexual relationship as well.

• What sexual baggage did you bring to the relationship? For example, if sex defined previous relationships that failed, you may be reluctant to get too sexually active in a new relationship. Look at your history and learn from it. Don't use sex for the wrong reasons, and burden it or load it up with too much meaning. For example, it shouldn't be a way to validate your partner. It should be an extension of the caring, feeling and respect you have for the other person. 

• Remember that quality, not quantity, is the most important factor. The choices you make have consequences. For example, if you choose to work, go to school and have a family, you may have very little left to invest in a sexual relationship. Change your behavior and decisions if you want different consequences. Try delegating responsibility if you're too exhausted or over-worked for sex. The quality of a relationship depends on how well it meets the needs of those involved. Consider your partner's needs as legitimate, and look at how you can meet those needs. Don't label your partner as being wrong or having something wrong with him/her because that dismisses the issue.

• Ask yourself or your partner: Are you really too tired? Or are you just tired of him/her? Are you getting him/her in the mood?Maybe your version of foreplay isn't working, you may want to try doing things differently. You may need to work a little harder to motivate, inspire, seduce or attract your partner. If your wife is exhausted from a busy day of chasing kids around, try to do some things that will decompress her. Run a bath and let her relax while you put the kids to bed.  Even the smallest gesture can seem romantic to your partner. 

TO SHAVE OR NOT TO SHAVE?

*Rubbing hands together* I'm super excited about this. This is definitely something for the fellas I came across this article on askmen.com about how women are more attracted to men with facial hair-beards-.

To shave or not to shave, that is the question.And the answer? It’s surprisingly clear: Don’t shave.
A recent study conducted by researchers from the University of New South Wales and published in Evolution and Human Behavior found that women found men with beards -- specifically 10-day-old beards -- more attractive. Not just that but guys with full-beards were perceived as better and more protective fathers.  Both men and women had to rate the faces with varying levels of facial hair growth (clean-shaven, five-day stubble, 10-day stubble and full beards). While guys thought clean shaven looked better than a short, five-day beard, women actually rated smooth faces as the least attractive.

Past studies have found that men with beards look tougher, more aggressive and masculine and would make better romantic partners.So what’s a guy to do? Find the right facial hair style for you face and learn how to take care of your beard:

I personally had to do some serious soul searching to see if I fall under the bracket of women that are attracted to men with beards and I discovered that I am not lol. To be on the safe side I think it's only right for me to state for the benefit of all women that are not attracted to men with facial hair that there's always an exception to every rule and "we" just happen to be that exception. I don't particularly hate men with facial hair but that isn't what strings my guitar but if the brother looks anything like the hottie whose picture I put up then that's an entirely different story altogether :). Remember drop a line or holler @keeksokafor

OPRAH'S ADVICE ON MEN

So admittedly this advice is coming in several years late being that the advice had been published since 2007 BUT since I'm just coming across it I figure that a lot of you might not be aware of it. The reason why I'm going to such lengths to blog this advice is because just recently...last Thursday to be precise I and my colleagues did a program called HOT DIVAS in which I gave a lil advice on how women would know when a guy just isn't into her. Alas several days later to my amazement I see Oprah talking about the same things I spoke about on radio and hitting the nail hard on the head!! I strongly advice that ladies read this and most importantly learn from it!

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be. Slower is better.


Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.  Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently? Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later. You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone Else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs. You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is two way street. You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals... look for someone complimentary... not supplementary.

Dating is fun... even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right. Make him miss you sometimes... when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted. Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them....and an entire lifetime to forget them."....I love this advice i just had to share, feel free to drop your thought s about this right here or holler at me via twitter @keeksokafor. Don't forget to hit follow first *winks*